It is hard to express what really happens to you when you finally experience a moment of complete forgiveness. Suffice to say it is quite unworldly. You HAVE been forgiven! I know that most of you won't believe it but that doesn't make it any less true.
Perhaps we should look more closely at how it is you forgive. In the workbook of A Course In Miracles Jesus handles this with perfect reasonability. Listen;
"Because you think your sins are real, you look on pardon as deception. For it is impossible to think of sin as true and not believe forgiveness is a lie. Thus is forgiveness really but a sin, like all the rest. It says the truth is false, and smiles on the corrupt as if they were as blameless as the grass; as white as snow. It is delusional in what it thinks it can accomplish. It would see as right the plainly wrong; the loathsome as the good."
"Pardon is no escape in such a view. It merely is a further sign that sin is unforgivable, at best to be concealed, denied, or called another name, for pardon is a treachery to truth. Guilt can not be forgiven. If you sin, your guilt is everlasting. Those who are forgiven from the view their sins are real are pitifully mocked and twice condemned; first by themselves for what they think they did, and once again by those who pardon them."
"It is sin's unreality that makes forgiveness natural and wholly sane, a deep relief to those who offer it; a quiet blessing where it is received. It does not countenance illusions, but collects them lightly, with a little laugh, and gently lays them at the feet of truth. And there they disappear entirely."
So, if you think that sin, or the idea of separation, is real or even possible then forgiveness is going to leave a bad taste in your mouth. But when you realize that forgiveness is just for you and it is actually impossible to be separate you WILL begin to look right through the illusion of sin and see the light of true innocence shining back at you.
I just found this lovely little, Socratic piece from The Course;
"LORD HEAL ME" IS THE ONLY LEGITIMATE PRAYER. This also means "Lord atone for me," because the only thing man should pray for is forgiveness. He HAS everything else.
Now take this personally, and listen to Divine logic:
If, when you have been forgiven, you have everything else, and
If you have been forgiven,
Then you HAVE everything else.
This happens to be the simplest of all propositions."
So now its up to you, personally, to look within and honestly ask if you HAVE been forgiven. And if not, why?