Relationships are not really my forte. And some might find that surprising, seeing as I am married. But what most people don't get is that my wife and I understand that our only relationship is with God. The single determination to remember the truth is what makes it so easy to be here, together, for this instant. Forgiveness of your Self is truly the only forgiveness there is, but you still need to do it. Here is what Jesus has to say from A Course In Miracles;"…In your holy relationship is your Father's Son. He has not lost communion with Him, nor with himself. When you agreed to join your brother, you acknowledged this is so. This has no cost, but it has release from cost."
"You have paid very dearly for your illusions, and nothing you have paid for brought you peace. Are you not glad that Heaven cannot be sacrificed, and sacrifice cannot be asked of you? There is no obstacle that you can place before our union, for in your holy relationship I am there already. We will surmount all obstacles together, for we stand within the gates and not outside. How easily the gates are opened from within, to let peace through to bless the tired world! Can it be difficult for us to walk past barriers together, when you have joined the limitless? The end of guilt is in your hands to give. Would you stop now to look for guilt in your brother?"
While you still believe there is someone or something outside yourself you cannot not but look for the guilt within your brother because you are imposing the falsity/guilt of your relationship onto the other, in order to justify not forgiving. And that is Just plain crazy!
"Let me be to you the symbol of the end of guilt, and look upon your brother as you would look on me. Forgive me all the sins you think the Son of God committed. And in the light of your forgiveness he will remember who he is, and forget what never was. I ask for your forgiveness, for if you are guilty, so must I be. But if I surmounted guilt and overcame the world, you were with me. Would you see in me the symbol of guilt or of the end of guilt, remembering that what I signify to you, you see within yourself?"
Take a moment and really look at what Jesus is saying here. It's up to you, heaven or hell, light or darkness, forgiveness or suffering. It really does become simple.
"From your holy relationship truth proclaims the truth, and love looks on itself. Salvation flows from deep within the home you offered to my Father and to me. And we are there together, in the quiet communion in which the Father and the Son are joined. O come ye faithful to the holy union of the Father and the Son in you! And keep you not apart from what is offered you in gratitude for giving peace its home in Heaven. Send forth to all the world the joyous message of the end of guilt, and all the world will answer…"
You have to stop blaming "the other guy". Everything that is happening is what you have already decided on. You are reacting to effects and overlooking the FACT that you are causing it. And all you need do is to stop, ask for help and decide you don't want to do that anymore. But it takes discipline and that is why I advocate doing the workbook lessons because it requires a change of mind.
"Forgive me your illusions, and release me from punishment for what I have not done. So will you learn the freedom that I taught by teaching freedom to your brother, and so releasing me. I am within your holy relationship, yet you would imprison me behind the obstacles you raise to freedom, and bar my way to you. Yet it is not possible to keep away One Who is there already. And in Him it is possible that our communion, where we are joined already, will be the focus of the new perception that will bring light to all the world, contained in you." ACIM ~ The Second Obstacle: The Belief the Body is Valuable for What It Offers.